New..
Zilele astea am ales sa imi continui munca mea umila:P pe un nou blog…tot c e aici veti gasi si acolo, si probabil voi continua si aici dar destul de rar.
Adresa noului bog este www.save-thegreen.blogspot.com
Asthenia -part one-
It was an awful day, the rain just won’t stop, the grey sky makes him think about that storm when he saved her.The trees bend like they could understand him, like they are the only ones who still backs him up in this situation.He likes this kind of weather, but now nothing can cheer him, it’s like he wake up from a ten years of dream, ten years of better life, ten years of good experience that finally went wrong.The shades from his room are shut, and the clock it’s useless now, the time mean nothing, actually for him nothing seems to count anymore.He barely got up from his perturbed bed, and looking at the mirror he sees an unknown man.His beard covered his face now, it meant nothing, the spiders or flies couldn’t care less about his aspect.That fucking heartache won’t disappear, he always thought that heart pain it’s only a latin sitcom legend, he would rather have annoying headache than this awful pain in in his chest.
It’s been six days spent in the house, and the only friends wich understood him where only his mp3 and couple of beers.He knows that this isn’t honorable at all but he deserve to act like this, even if he swored that it wouldn’t be like this.He thinks it will eventually rise from this grave, but now he needs to figure ut how….After all he’ll hve to live a life of loneliness after ten years with her….his sweet Irene…
Asthenia part four…
It’s so cold, winter can be very rough these times in these areas, i used to like snow, not white…only snow…even if the orange box almost broke because of it..the winter wasn’t the only fault..you were…and i liked that way…
Dante suddently snaps! He likes to remeber things, but his heart hated it…even if Irene is almost dead, he still believe that she is there wating..but, C’mon! Irene is guarded now, Cerber is such a bitch…especially it’s southeast head…hell seems the perfect place for it, lie, infatuation, black character and….ehhh Dante was more bigger than that, but he is still human and still want that head dead…he realised that even withy that Irene wont’ come back…the harm was done.
Don’t laugh Irene…you’re aren’t the one that i miss…I miss the old you..you’ve changed in so many ways, and the only feeling that i have for you now is pity, because you’ve turned into something that we used to laugh about, you are the new neighbour.
Dante was visible doing better, he trned his energy to Irene, he finally spit the wrong out…Good luck with no soul Irene! and Cerber fuck you!you are so low…you’ll need to live another thirty years to be at humanity’s level.In the past you’ve won, you took Irene away, but now you’re just a fool, you both are the same…and i’m sorry you weren’t around when all started…but you were busy to hide you’re weakness…for them you did it, for me, you are the same.Irene i don’t need you…i just need someone whom i can love like i loved you, someone to care liked i cared about you, you’ll realise later how lucky you were………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….
That’s it!!! it’s not you Irene, it’s not you at all, it’s me…you are nothing to me, the thing i miss it’s that feeling…go away, go to the place you wanted…the fish-shaped borders will be you’re limits, and i will be so much more than that, you don’t get it, do you? after all this time, you stil don’t get it, i must have overevalued you…i sure had.
….And yes…i care so much about you Jenny, but you seem so cold, you just won’t open yourself…and i’m sorry, i am not so good with these kind o f things lately, but i’ve been trough a lot and i hope you understand me cause i don;’t undersant you at all.I really don’t want another changing Irene. I love natural peolple, independent people, those who know what they love or not, those that won’t need Cerber to take the decision for them..You were the sassy girl, but we ended up so different from the movie…sweet an low…
Asthenia – part three
He went outside…Dante saw the light for the first time in many days, and liked the feeling, unfortunetly, every single thing that he saw outside, reminded about the past, that wild savana from the garden…the place where used to eat those baked potatoes.he fell on his knees with hands wrapped around his head, screaming: “Why won’t you ghosts go away NOW!!”, accidently he looked on the left and saw that cursed hill where he was teacher on walking,when he saw the end, but not paying attention…Thoughts came out from his mind like wind…It was too much…walking his way out of this, he reminded how he was a dick on that uphill. how the blue horse saved the day that evening answering his calls.Irene was pesimistic, but he told her to cover her face, and it will come.He was right, with er he was many many times right, but the problem was that he liked everyone to know this.
His heart was sending killer waves now, if it could stop it it was perfect, but it just won’t stop..the orange cover still ain’t closing, and my brown cover it will cover but it doesn’t matter now, he has a black cover now, she has a black one two, but where’s the desire?
The anger stormed him now…no words for this, why he would be angry, and with whom should be angry?Irene is gone, Irene is dead, instead of her, now is a girl blended in a society filled with stupidity, false dreams, ipocracy.
C’MON old IRENE!! please get out of my head…you used to be so kind and loving, so innocent…fuck it you’ve lost you’re innocence and you have no charm now, why can’t i understand this?
He reminded about his half heart, it is lost along some pieces of paper, in the plastic compartiment in his walking machine.There used to be two stars on it, but one faded away.The other sits alone…why does it come so long way from southeast to stand on a broken-hearted neck.
They said this is the most awful day of year, the specialists never get this things right, but he was the king of bad luck, he had to prove the ohers wrong if this meant him being miserable.Night came, and found him crounching on the grass. Stars were so visible like the ones when he begged freedom, he was such a badass then…yeah…we all are.The thought of death was so sweet now…only wanted to lay down there and never get up, but it wasn’t so easy…this would’n end on his terms.Sweet Irene is now a hated one, and the winter tree may never have such big ears.
Again his heart is punished with million tiny arrows, the soul is dying, letting in a cement way of life, not even the strawberries would make a difference, or cherries, or peaches…how can the apples count for nothing?You were supposed to marry a farm guy, have you forgot?
Sweet old Irene was dead, he couldn’t get her from her grave, she has those monsters keeping her away from life, and he cannot match them, they won long time ago…………………………………..and his nowadays just wont stretch that saving arm, it’s just another shovel diggin his grave…
10 pasi pentru a devenii prost
1. Neaparat pentru a devenii prost trebuie sa ai o doza de prostie in tine, asa ca exploateaza-ti prostia la maxim!
2.Sa dansezi pe melodia de la telefonul prietenilor atunci cand suna.
3. Trebuie sa porti cel putin o discutie fara sens pe zi.
4. Sa asculti o melodie de poponari si sa iti placa.
5.Trebuie sa iti gasesti o porecla la moda, gen: “Scarba, Cacat, Gary, Borel…etc”
6.Numarul 6 e o regula: Orice s-ar intampla, raul prietenului e un bine pentru tine!
7.Sa vorbesti cu Dumnezeu ca de la frate la frate.
8.Sa iti sara mucu sau bala la o gluma buna, dar NU in ciorba sau pe tine, totul are o limita!
9.Atunci cand esti beat trebuie neaparat sa te certi cu prietenul tau pe motive neintemeiate!
10.Tzuguie-ti buzule cand esti rau!
si mai merge si 11. Cand prietenii nu sunt atenti fura-le orice!!! mai ales bautura!!!
Asthenia part two…
He decides to act now, and realised that mourning would only mske things worse, but why should he mourn, and is it wortless to mourn….?
- Fuck it! I lost my balance, C’mon…you are so better than this, my mind is only mine, and only i can make things better, and who are you, second? How can you dare to tell me who i am, you don’t even know me…are you surprised? You don’t know nothing, this glow that you’ve put on you it’s so false, and i will rise over it so quickly. Again, YOU KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME!!! so treat me properly, or go away! Fuck it, i lost it again…mirror please tell me more, i am scared to tell this to myself, you can do this better..
- You don’t want, and i think you cannot face the truth..
- I can’t, but i want to
- Ok, you are weak, you won’t understand once it for all what you should have known so many years ago…
-I can’t even understand you know…
-You need to face yourself, you need tot prove who you are, you need to make them know that you aren’t only a box of chocolate, one can use you, and one can eat you.
Then the glass broke, even, it went to far, He wasn’t a tool.He used to be, but not anymore.The use would only be usefull now, hopefully, but it’s it choice,and the LIPeater, would have to thank only with his past soul.His new soul would need to grow, without lies, without false impressions, and without past.
He thinks now about the thing that he cares…”was i so boring, how could i create this poster of myself? this half real, but half unreal avatar?”, but then he realised…”If you haven’t the patience to listen to me, you’re fault! I was here all the way, and i will be many years from now one, but you should be ashame, you wouldn’t even took a moment to know me.
His room started to shrink suddently, he realised that the escape is the only thing that can make him valuable.The north wall couldn’t keep his trace anymore, and the south….well the south wall should shine very bright, because it’s last grey shadows made him think that te wall don’t care about him..
He went outside….breathing again…believing again….hoping again…Dante was trying a hole new life now..
P.S. part one was created, but it will appear when it’s time will come..
Eyes Open
E tarziu….la fel ca in ultimul timp nu prea reusesc sa adorm atunci cand as vrea…si probabil la fel ca zilele trecute maine ma voi trezi exagerat de tarziu….aaa….nu…maine plec, deci trebuie sa ma trezesc un pic mai devreme, dar nu va gandit ca asta ar insemna 8-9, un pic mai devreme inseamna 11 
…vine sesiunea acum si o sa ma trezeasca rau de tot la realitate cu somnul.
Motivul pentru care insir cuvinte aiurea din nou pe aici este ca in noaptea asta am observat ca viata merge inainte si ca ea trebuie sa mearga inainte orice ar s-ar intampla, si stau sa ma gandesc daca pana acum nu a mers…ba da cred ca a mers dar nu mi-am dat seama.Totusi, de ce simt ca ma scufund in monotonia multimii? Cred ca cinismul lumii moderne nu lasa loc nimanui sa respire, si doar cei foarte priceputi reusesc sa scape.Cand aud, sau cand vad pe cineva pe la televizor caruia sa ii reuseasca aceasta evadarea, ma bucur gandindu-ma ca momentul meu e aproape, dar apoi imi trec fel si fel de tampenii prin cap, si chestia care ma deranjeaza cel mai mult e ca m-am gandit bine de tot si nu cunosc pe nimeni care sa fie foarte fericit cu ceea ce face, sau nu cunosc pe nimeni care sa fie fericit in modul in care imi doresc sa fiu si eu la un moment dat..ehh..aiureli..
Ma ingrozeste gandul ca poate nu voi reusi niciodata sa fiu cu adevarat liber, ca peste 10-15 ani voi avea aceleasi nemultumiri ca si acum, si sincer nici macar nu vreau sa ma gandesc ca s-ar putea intampla asta.Cred ca exceptand perioada evului medi, toate celelalte sunt cu mult peste perioada moderna, eu unul cred ca suntem mult mai cenzurati acum decat in anul 0, spre exemplu. Cred ca era mult mai usor sa iti urmezi visul atunci decat acum.Trebuie sa iti asumi milioane de riscuri ca sa speri la ceea ce iti doresti.
Nu stiu, probabil sunt influentat acum, si sper ca asta sa fie adevaratul motiv al pesimismului meu.In noaptea asta am citit o chestie care m-a socat in sensul bun, m-a facut sa sper si sa merg inainte, am vazut ca oamenii nu sunt totusi o specie pierduta, si ca mai sunt persoane care gandesc asa cum trebuie sa gandeasca, numai ca din ce vad sunt putini.M-am gandit odata, inspirat fiind, ca daca nu o sa mai fiu fericit aici o sa o caut in alta parte, si momentul ala a venit, numai ca, asa cum am mai spus, lumea din ziua de azi nu te ajuta sa o iei de la zero, ba mai mult iti pune si mai multe probleme in cap..
Acum totusi cred ca totul e in regula,sunt in continuare dezamagit, lasat singur si lipsit de vlaga, dar exceptand prima chestie, celelalte sunt din vina mea, asa ca nu pot sa fiu suparat si nici nu pot imputa asta cuiva, deci asta inseamna ca daca imi vad de treaba mea asa cum trebuie pot sa fiu 66,66% mai bine decat acum, cat despre dezamagirea de 33,33%, ehhh…moldova nu a fost niciodata taramul meu preferat, ma multumesc cu Londra, sau casa cu peluza, chiar si luminile zapacite din orasele insomniace ma fac mai fericit, si inchei in felul acesta, realizand ca sunt mai norocos decat as fii crezut, si ca lucrurile bune vor aparea doar daca eu vreau sa apara, si chiar trebuie sa incep sa imi doresc.
I’ll see you soon….
Ciorna
Ok…cum puteti blama un orb ca nu vede…sau cum ii puteti cere unui orb sa vada lucrurile pe care nu le poate vedea?Cum sa stie el ca soarele a apus, daca el nu vede ca a apus?…cate minciuni si cate adevaruri aude el…tot atatea chestii nu le poate crede, pentru ca nu le vede, pentru ca nu le simte si pentru ca e extraordinar de debusolat singur in lumea lui, ametit de tot c se intampla in jurul lui, si cum il puteti blama pentru ca e cum e? nu el si-a dorit sa fie orb…pur si simplu s-a intamplat, nu a avut grija…nu a fost nici atent destul de mult, dar in principiu nu a fost vina lui…deci cum puteti sa il acuzati aiurea daca el vrea sa vada…nu cred ca e un lucru pe care el sa poate sa si-l impuna, cel putin nu stiu, e evident ca trebuie sa isi continue viata si eu cred ca si el isi doreste la fel de mult sa poate merge inainte asa orb…insa asta nu inseamna ca nu isi doreste sa vada…ba da..va dori mereu sa vada pentru ca ar fi mai bine asa, pentru ca nu e nimeni in lumea asta care sa vrea sa renunte la vedere…(probabil va urma…)
Habar n-am ce vreau sa scriu, dar simt ca trebuie sa imi insir gandurile, pentru ca altfel nu stiu daca pot sa le mai tin minte, sau sa le stiu macar ordinea, ordinea dorintelor, si ordinea necesitatilor, faza e ca in ultimu timp nu stiu daca ceea ce vreau e o dorinta sau o necesitate.Totusi am zis sa incerc, deoarece de fiecare data cand m-am simtit jos de tot, am reusit prin acest blog pe care unii sau majoritatea, sau chiar toti il considera de kkt, am reusit sa imi revin, si am aflat si eu ca sa iti dai seama care e problema, inseamna ca ai si rezolvat-o in proportie de 90%.Adevaru ca e o chestie ciudata, “astenia asta de noiembrie” e o problema care imi e destul de cunoscuta.De vreo jumatate de an tot insirui ganduri triste si credeti pe buna dreptate ca altceva nu am mai bun de facut, pai sa stiti ca si eu sunt de aceeasi parere, numai ca vointa imi lipseste cu desavarsire atunci cand nu sunt convins ca vreau sa fac un lucru..si eu nu vreau sa il fac.De ce? poate ca imi plac lucrurile asa cum sunt, sau poate ca nu vreau deloc ca ele sa fie altfel.Important e ca ele au ramas asa, si eu nu doresc sa le schimb, sau doresc da nu sunt hotarat.Imi aduc acum aminte de desenele din copilarie in care apareau pe un umar un inger si pe celalalt un dracusor, si sincer ma vad in acceasi situatie, dar nu stiu care e ingerul si care e dracusorul,oricum nu i-as asculta deloc:)), sunt atat de incapatanat incat chiar daca stiu ca un lucru mi-ar face bine tot nu l-as face daca nu vreau sa il fac.In ultimul timp oscilez intre momente bune si momente ciudate…oricum ceea ce ma bucura e ca cele ciudate au devenit mai rare…totusi la fel de dureroase…si daca va ganditi ca stiti care e motivul acestora…mai ganditi-va odata…putini stiu care e adevaratul motiv…foarte putini…nu stiu de ce ma simt obligat sa explic, pentru ca asa cum am mai spus…scriu doar sa ma descarc, si sa ma simt mai bine, nu sa inteleaga lumea…totusi daca va doriti sa intelegeti cu adevarat, trebuie doar sa cititi atent si nu va dura mult…Dupa atata timp Coldplay tot suna unic, Killers tot ma fac sa ma simt important, si dupa tot acest timp, acest lung lung timp East 17 reusesc sa ma calmeze si acum.Si iarta-ma daca uneori crezi ca imi vars nervii pe tine, daca uneori crezi ca exagerez, sau daca uneori sunt batut in cap…nu sunt rau intentionat:)e doar un instinct prostesc pe care uneori il ascund, alteori nu, dar niciodata nu am fost mai impacat ca acum:D.
P.S. Coldplay – Fix you…nu are cum sa nu va placa…melodia asta e…..chiar daca risc sa fiu iar exagerat….epica.Nimeni nu aranjeaza lucrurile simple mai bine decat Coldplay…
P.S.2 Am hotarat sa nu pun titlu…e de ajuns:D
P.S.3 Azi m-am “incins” cu P.S.-urile…
P.S.4 Momentele de “Killers” sunt “my devil’s water”…incantatoare:D
I’ll see you soon
Nonsens 4
…..Azi o sa fiu rau…rau cu voi…cei carora va place sa va bateti joc de toti restu…voi cei care credeti ca lumea e a voastra…si da…rau cu voi..cei care credeti ca totul inseamna fericirea, minciuna si fatarnicia voastra.
Uite astazi nu mai e asa…azi t nu iti mai bati joc de mine, azi tu nu ma mai folosesti, si tu, azi nu pui stapanire pe mine.DA! azi tu nu mai ai putere, puterea sa ma faci sa vin, sa ma faci sa nu mai…, sa ma faci.Astazi tu nu mai esti tu, iar eu sunt mai mult eu.
Sunt zile in care incerc sa va inteleg, in care, nu ca vreau, dar ca sper ca voi sa aveti un motiv bun pentru care sunteti asa…si stiti ce realizez? Realizez ca voi nu sunteti nimic altceva decat niste copii care uita de Craciun ca alaturi de ei cu adevarat sunt parintii, nu prietenii de alaturi, dar ii inteleg.Ii inteleg pentru ca ei sunt copii.Ei sunt copii, iar voi ce sunteti? voi aveti scuze?DE CE crezi ca fara tine lumea nu exista, iar atunci cand nu mai exista realizezi ca ai nevoie de ceilalti?De ce tu crezi ca a fi o persoana buna inseamna sa fi o persoana care prin bunatatea altora sa iti satisfaci propria dorinta.Si…DE CE tu care presupui ca esti pur, inocent, si ca esti tu..esti de fapt tu cel care joci doua jocuri in acelasi timp?Ai invatzat de la cei mai buni nu?..Pai atunci afla ca ceea ce ai invatzat tu nu e deloc ceea ce trebuie invatzat.Realizeaza odata ce cu totii realizam odata: Lumea nu e cutia ta cu nisip, nu poti sa arunci cu nisip in cel care nu e pe unda ta, pentru ca nisipul odata va vedea cine esti tu si se va rasturna singur peste tine.
Tie prietene iti place sa te joci, dar crezi ca noua ne place? Tie iti place sa fi tu, dar eu nu stiu cn esti tu, si nu vreau sa cred ca tu esti tu pe care mie imi e frica sa il cunosc.M-am saturat, Tu! m-am saturat sa fiu ce vrei tu sa fiu.Nu vreau sa ma mai conduci, Tu!…si…Tu!…vei pierde, pentru ca lumea are simtul corectitudinii.Pentru ca imi place sa cred ca lumea e nascuta in balanta, si ca odata va vedea ce e mai mult rau si ce e mai mult bine, si ca va face ordine.Pentru ca imi place sa cred ca tu, asa cum eu am fost increzator, m-am intors la gandirea pamanteasca, asa vei fi si tu intors.Si pentru ca in final imi place sa cred ca eu am trecut prin foc, si nu vreau sa treci si tu….vreau doar ca eu sa ajung la apa mea, si ATAT..apa mea imi ajunge..apa mea poate linisti totul..pentru ca focul a ars indeajuns de mult incat sa fie stins..si pentru ca linistea merita instalata.Pentru ca voi avea incredere…pentru ca voi continua sa fiu eu, pentru ca voi, cei numai pentru care sa va simtiti bn orice fara sa conteze imprejurul, veti realiza intr-un final, PENTRU ca astazi am realizat ca ce vreau e mult mai mult, mult mai bun, mult mai pur..si ca si exista…Trebuie doar sa ajung la ce vreau, pentru ca atunci va fi perfect.Pentru asta voi continua sa merg, sa ma chinui, si dak va fi nevoie sa las capul jos.Pentru ceea ce am nevoie voi reusi, iar voi…voi faceti ce vreti…De azi nu mai sunt pentru voi….
P.S. Nu incercati sa faceti legaturi…nu isi au rostul…
